Entry - February 1 2024Me: Hey Universe! Universe: Well, hello! Me: I feel a bit like I have been neglecting our sessions. But in reality, I have been living them and putting the wisdom into practice so that feels really good. I should have some time this weekend to have some good sessions. That is if you are available. Universe: Of course, I’ll check my schedule. 😉 ~*~ Entry - February 3 2024Me: Hi there Universe: Well, hey you. Great to feel your presence. Me: I like that greeting. We should all offer that. So, I can see the value of regular daily or at least every second day sessions. Helps keep the energy up as well as accountability. Keeps it all front and center in the mind and in the heart. Universe: Very true. Making any change takes a focus on doing the work. As well as talking it out is important. It takes dedication to keep it all flowing. Me: Tx. I will do my best to organize the time. I have been working at organizing a bit of a schedule and committing to it. Turns out it doesn’t curb the creativity like I thought it would. Sometimes things don’t flow which is fine, I simply move to something else until they are ready to flow again. Universe: Sounds like the organization and reduction in distractions is creating space for that flow. Congratulations. Anything jump to mind that you wish to talk about this evening? Me: Not really. It is late and I am hoping to get a great sleep. Universe: Sleep well then. ~*~ Entry - February 4 2024 (10pm)Me: Good evening, Universe. How was your day? Feels like a silly question to ask the Universe. Universe: It was a day. In human terms. Neither good nor bad. All human constructs. How was your day? Me: It was ok. A bit of anxiety that took me on a path of ‘sulking’ because I didn’t feel I could control the way I wanted to relieve my anxiety. Felt a bit off afterwards but have worked through it. It was good to walk through it. It has been some time since I experienced that. Universe: What could you have done in the moment to change things? Me: Not worried as much. Trusted that it would all be fine. Which it was in the end. Then I wouldn’t have spent the day sulking. Universe: Sounds like you understood the situation. Me: I did~I do. It reminded me of how I felt at particular points in my life. Cocoon comes to mind. Like wanting to shut everything out for a while. It all makes sense to me now. I like that I am aware of it all now. Universe: Sounds like you have a good awareness of the whole situation. Me: Absolutely. Universe: I understand you went to visit a nice country property today. Me: Yes, it was very nice and reminded me of how much I feel at home on a farm. I crave light, nature and open space and this had it all. I crave all of that in my life. A space to live with the herd. Universe: Sounds like you know what is in your heart. Me: Of course, it has been there for a very long time. How~when does it all happen? Do I have that control? Or do I surrender to you and trust what is in my heart to come forth? ~*~ Entry - February 5 2024 (9am) Me: Sorry, I fell asleep. And what a good sleep it was. Universe: No need for sorry, you needed it. Remember I’m not on a clock and am available at any moment for you. So, no need for an apology. You do you and you do the work. Me: Thank you. Good reminder. Can we pick up with the idea of moving? It seems so odd to talk about things one at a time when so much can be happening simultaneously. Maybe I should schedule an hour to write with you fluidly or wild writing as I like to call it. I mean just write. Universe: That is a very good idea. Me: For now, back to moving. But really, I am being whispered to, to do that writing right now. Universe: Good listening. Then follow that. I’ll jump in as needed. Me: Ok, wild writing session begins. Here it goes. No filtering. What wants to come out comes out. I want a farm. I want light and windows, horses and space. I want someone to share it all with. To grow and learn and evolve. That is what is in my heart. I can do all I love in that space. I can write and share space with humans and nature. I can take my books I have authored and bring them to life. I have to finish writing them first. But I sense I might never be finished writing as once one is done more is there wanting to come onto the page. Universe: So how will you live these days as you work on your books? Me: Good question. I was just thinking that then I got distracted. Point taken. Decrease distractions. Treat the book as a FT job. Put in the work which means dedicating and focusing the time. I often say that the most precious thing you can give someone is your time. Shouldn’t that include myself? Universe: Absolutely. You struck on a great point. Keep going. Me: I must intuit what is right for the moment and then do it. No sorry, no stress, no worry. Just do it and it will get done. Ok, I get it. Focus the time and energy. That I can do. Might take some practice but I can do it. I am doing this and focusing on it. Heck, how many pages are we into this conversation so far? Best therapy ever. What else, what else. Other than focus, what feelings will I bring to it all? Joy and pride in the fact that I am doing the work. Being aware of anxiety and worry, self doubt and judgement. Ask them to find somewhere else to go and move back into a positive state. I feel I have a lot of balancing to do from past times spent worrying, etc. Universe: Not really. Now is now, simple as that. What are you feeling now and does it feel right in your heart? That’s the question. Remember your personal check-in? Is it mine? Has it happened yet? Am I seeing this from a point of view of compassion? Use that. Just keep asking yourself those questions. Me: Good point. Using my own wisdom, silly me. Universe: You are writing from your own life experience are you not? Your own wisdom. Me: Yes, I am and I articulated it so others could it use if they are called to. So, I must remember to keep using it for myself. I get it now. I think I am complete for this bit for now. Amazing how fast things come to you when you just sit down and listen. Then trust it will all work out. Quite remarkable really. Faster than light, faster than thought…the speed of love. ~*~ Entry - February 6 2024 Me: Hello Universe: Hey back. How was your day? I sense you are tired so let’s make this short. Question for you: what if you walked through your day believing in the value you added to the world and your own life? Me: Great question. I guess the first thing I would do was not second guess myself. I wouldn’t sit in the past worrying if I had said some or done something wrong or invaluable. I would believe in me. Universe: Exactly. So why don’t you try it tomorrow? Me: Thanks, I will. Perhaps I will jot down what I do and catch my self doubt. It would actually allow me to be more present and aware. Universe: Yes Me: I think it ties in with me slowing down in ‘tense’ situations. Not getting caught up in the energy around me. Holding a bit of silence to either make sure I was speaking from the heart and not out of my tail. Slow down and breath. Connect with myself before speaking and acting. This would help me consider the situations that stress me and how I deal with them. Allowing for inner evolution. Universe: Yes, and how does that tie into my question? Believing in your ‘value’ in the world and your own life. Me: Well, I would say that if I am aware of those situations and my own space in them then my value is in how I feel about myself and holding my own space. That is where value is. In my space. In being who I am and not getting swept into the energy of a perhaps ‘toxic’ situation. Not acting in a way that isn’t in line with who I am. I add the most to this world when I am authentic and true to myself. With all of that self-confidence is that result and from that a pride on oneself. Universe: Nailed it. Good job. Now, off to bed. Until next session. ~*~ Entry - February 7 2024Me: Alright, I have some space in my day. Many other things to do but this is calling to me so I shall listen. Yet when I type that I see that myself isn’t a priority. It should be at the top of my list. Universe: Hello and wonderful that you are here and great realization. Me: Can we talk about farm living and all that happens along the way to that? Universe: Ok. That’s a big subject for you. I know you hold farm living close to your heart. Me: Yes. I can also see how everything on my list to talk about is connected as opposed to separate things. Each piece works in synchronicity with another. Universe: Very true. Sounds like that might be a new perspective for you. Me: Yes. New to my awareness but feels like I deep down already know it. Let’s delve into that later. Right now, can we go down the rabbit hole of living first? Universe: For sure. The rabbit hole of living is a big one. Down we go! Me: I wasn’t sure how to articulate it all but the question, what is my heart’s desire, keeps coming to me. What kind of life do I want to live? Seems a lot, but not all of it is superficial. I currently living a life of freedom and comfort. I have what I need. What is it that would FILL it more? What is that heart’s desire? To live in the country with horses, a herd. To go back to the country really. I have lived there before and it was home. To share space, once again, with horses and humans. Light and openness. Sharing space yet the ability to be alone when desired. Minimalist. Tiny living and vast openness. Humans who wish to share the space with me/us and the horses and learn and evolve further. What I have to share is valuable. It opens hearts, ears, and minds. So that is my heart’s desire. So now what? What can I do next/now? Universe: If you had a client asking this question, what would you do? Me: I would go to the horses for a STILL session. Ask for guidance from that inner voice and the herd. Always a good place to start. Universe: You are the client. Of you go. Me: Ok. ~*~ Entry - February 9 2024Me: Hello Universe. I feel you with me. Universe: Hi, I feel you there as well. Me: I went to a tea ceremony this evening. It was lovely. I was presented with one question. If the universe could answer one question, what would you ask? I chuckled. I have been asking one question for some time now and you have been asking back. But for the sake of the ceremony, I did my best to answer in the moment. My answer: How do I drill down to my heart’s desire? What is it actually. In reflection I thought it to be my raw authentic self with everything else stripped away. Deeply~beyond words, time and space. Beyond all surface, ego, and fragments of the false self. Deep within and in between. Universe: Sounds like your question and reflection was quite synchronistic to what we have been speaking about. Me: Yes, I have been thinking further about my true heart’s desire. Can I only have one? Also, living it, living my raw authentic life. Seems all of that is in how I live combined with that which feels real and true. Am I going too far down the rabbit hole? Of which I am very good at. Heart’s desire. First thing that comes to my heart. For me: Return to the farm where I can be with a herd full time. The rest are rungs on the ladder and things that will fall into place. So, follow my heart and follow the steps that are given. Such as typing this out as I am doing now. Wait a minute. I am rhyming off all of this wisdom. Like I know deep down what to do, myself. Universe: Haha. Wondered how long it would take you to realize that. You got it. Remember your guiding tenet? That is it. Now, how do you follow that everyday? Who is the woman that lives there? Be her. Me: I live in positive and authentic community with the herd and humans. I guess the first step is living that raw authentic life now. Without a doubt or question. Not always easy to do. Universe: There you go. What does that feel like? Not look like but feel like? Me: Good question, as always. I will sleep on it. Night. Universe: Good night. ~*~ Entry - February 11 2024 Me: Living consciously, authentically in the moment and simply. Feeling untethered yet grounded at the same time. Good morning. I just wanted to get those down. Universe: Good morning. Great thoughts. Do you notice in this ‘therapy’ space that you are kind to yourself? Me: I do and it has been translating into my outside life. Can we talk a bit about sharing life? I keep being brought back to sharing my life. Universe: So, what does that look like for you? How would it feel? I ask those without you drawing in all of the extraneous concerns you would have. What does your truest beingness feel and see? Me: Interestingly, I see next steps with all the things I do daily. But sharing does not seem to be there for those things like living with a partner, farm, and horses, etc. But we have spoken about all being connected. So, how? Why don’t I see that stuff or feel the next step in front of me? Universe: Hmmm, let’s step back and look at how it is all connected. What kind of movement are you building with all that you do? Where do all of those intersect? Me: Good question once again. I often think of how they are different than what I should be doing. But when I consider their intersections, they all are exploring a new or old way of living. A way that is free from strings to the way we think and expect to be living. The way we are told is the right way of things to be. They explore the pace of the horse, the heart of stories, and the open field with no expectations. The blank slate in the present where all is possible. Universe: Yes, good introspection. Now, how do you personally live that. Me: By doing what we are doing. Exploring the deep collective. What is that? Those words just fell out of me. From the heart to the fingers bypassing the head and thought. Another good point. How do we live that? From heart to action. The head is for the organization and articulation. But I digress. Back to deep collective. What is that? Universe: It is the dialogue we have. It is the dialogue often unspoken, that we need to have more of. It is some of the soul dialogues that you have with others. Have more of those. Offer more of those. Me: That feels like a doing kind of thing. Universe: Of course. Life is about doing, balanced with not doing. Doing or not, we are always being. It is just how authentic we are being. Me: How is this tied to what I asked at the beginning? Living, partner, horses. Universe: How do you think you get to those? Or, how have you been conditioned to get to those? Me: Lots of ways. The right way to think, make lists, invite something in by acting like it is already happening and stop doing the myriad of things one is doing wrong to push it all away. Universe: That is a heavy load. What if you simply did what you suggested earlier. Clear the slate, look in the open field? Me: Ok, how? Universe: You know how. You sound like you are getting frustrated. I sense that. Me: Yes. But it’s more of the conditioned part of me, the ‘ego’ wanting and expecting things now. Past social conditioning. Books, courses, etc. etc. Maybe if I literally meditated in the open field and let it all fall into place. Follow the next step in front of me like I do with so many of my projects. I don’t know where they are going but I trust they will go where they need to go. That part comes so easily. Universe: There you have something. They all come easily. Why? Me: I have no expectations of them. I take the next steps laid before me and I don’t doubt the process. There you go. And I don’t, or do my best not to, let social conditionings or my ego get in the way. I am aware when it does. I release and surrender to those moments and awesome things always happen. Universe: You really had to talk that one out. Me: Yup. What is a leap of faith? A step with the faith that it is in a direction of growth and evolution. From the heart not the ego. Universe: So, where does the ego still play a part in your life and where have you been able to release it? Me: Dang, that one may take a while. Universe: That’s ok. You are tending to your inner evolution. You are doing the work. Me: Comparison and judgement. That’s where it shows up. And those two tell me I am not where I am supposed to be in my life. Or, that I am not enough in many ways. Universe: Keep going. List it all and get it out. Me: All the things society tells or conditions me to be. That is not the authentic self. In fact, drawing us away from the authentic self. The ‘not self’. I guess it is simply day by day and moment by moment we release the ‘not self’. We fill that space with true beingness. Awareness. Universe: Not always easy but doable. Coming from a place of love and compassion starts with you. Me: I heard today ‘dreams do not come to you in a linear fashion’. So true. I might replace dreams with life. Sinking into the non-linear is tough when we are brought up linear. I think I am done for tonight. Sleep well universe. Universe: You as well. ~*~ Entry - February 12 2024 Me: We live in the linear…what does that really mean?
I heard the following today. Rumi: What you seek is seeking you. When I run after what I think I want, My days are filled with stress and anxiety If I sit in my own place of patience What I need flows to me And without any pain Form this I understand that What I want also wants me Is looking for me And attracting me When it cannot attract me Anymore to go to it I has to come to me There is a great secret In this for anyone Who can grasp it. Me: These appeared to me today as well as the concept of ‘A Shared Evolution’ in my book. Also, what I said earlier about it all being connected. We are all connected. Seems a popular saying without really digging down into what it really means. Perhaps I am connected to that which is heading my way. But I have never imagined or visualized this connection. I visualize it something like the riddles that my father used to set out for me to find presents. Making it a journey to unfold. One leading to the next, all connected. But I didn’t know what the result would be in the end, I just had fun along the way. Universe: What in that poem stuck out for you? Resonated with you? Me: If I sit in my place of patience what I need flows to me. That is faith. What I want also wants me, is looking for me, attracting me. What then is the difference between need and want in that poem? What I don’t really comprehend is when it cannot attract me anymore to go to it, it has to come to me. Universe: Perhaps that is something you need to sit with. Me: Ok. When it cannot attract me anymore to come to it. That sortof feels like my releasing it. Yet still being connected. Not sure. I like the idea of imagining a connection to all. I think my mind and heart need a break. To make some space and see what settles into my heart. To see what wisdom might come and find me. Feeling a bit lost in this train of thought. To sit in the middle of the chaos and watch where it settles. Universe: Of course. Just breath into it and let’s connect again soon. ~*~
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